Let's be p.c.

Not a whole lot has been going on lately. I'm working at Florida Hospital in Tampa, Hubs is working in office at home. I'm doing quite a bit of driving and missing my hubs and my pups quite a lot. We have some grand kitchen remodel ideas we need to come to fruition soon, we had to take Toby to the emergency vet again, and we're are constantly battling over what is and is not gender neutral as far as nursery fabrics go.......

(Toby is fine he just got a little over excited licking his private region to the point of injuring himself, he is much better after steroids and an e-collar to prevent the obsessive licking.)

In the past year we've been through a lot of life changes which have led me to a grand realization of human nature. This being that opinions, whether solicited or not, are all too often freely given by EVERYONE.
Generally I can smile and nod with the best of them, or politely demure conversations. However, lately (blame it on the hormones if you will) I'm quite frankly repulsed by people's all too openly given opinions. They are not welcome, especially if you are not a close enough friend or family member for some one to be forced to over look your faux-pas.

Let's begin with a classic Disney line I learned as a child. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Now I have to admit over the years I haven't always heeded Thumper's momma's advice, but there are a few places I always stick to this "Golden Rule." It kind of like not talking religion, politics, or salaries in the work place. There are three areas you do not give your opinion unless explicitly solicited: Weddings, Pregnancy, and Child Rearing. (Now here in, there is some room for maneuvering. If you are paying for said wedding, experiencing the pregnancy yourself, or it's your child say what you will.)

Since our wedding was nine months ago, I'll forgo getting into that; and, since we do not yet have a child, I'll get right down to pregnancy. A "What Not To Say" to a pregnant woman guide if you will. I'll list a few things below, read through them see if you would find any of them appropriate if it were you and your swelling uterus and raging hormones.

"If you're this big already that baby is going to be huge."
"I've never seen someone look so big at 18 weeks."
"Are you sure there's just one in there?"
"I don't like the name Cooper, let me bring you a list of 10 names that are better."
"Are you ever going to name that baby?"

Now, these were not all said to me. These little tid bits of unsolicited opinions/statements have been experienced by myself and friends during pregnancies (plus gobs more, these just sum it all up). I'll begin with the top two which were said to me....

I am 18 weeks pregnant, almost 19, and in 18 weeks of pregnancy I've gained exactly 5 pounds and 1/4 ounce. Now, if you ask me that's not a lot, and this will be a little too much information, but I'm pretty sure 4 pounds of that went straight to my breasts. So here in lies my opinion (since you're reading my blog you are asking my opinion.) Keep your opinions to yourself. If you cannot say something appropriate, don't say anything at all. Now if you're my obstetrician and you're concerned about my weight gain by all means fire away; or, if you happened to have measured my uterus for yourself to know that it's not, "perfectly on tract," feel free to let me know what you think.
If you really really feel like you have to open your mouth I'll leave a few of my favorite lines at the end of this blog for you to practice with. Let me just make my point here: It is never okay to point out to a woman that she's gaining/gained/or looks to have gained weight, so why is it suddenly okay for any Tom, Dick or Harry to say so to a woman because she is pregnant?

I have a friend who in her second trimester was asked by a Publix check out chickadee if she was sure she was only having one baby. Now, let's go ahead and clear this up.....if you're pregnant you know exactly how many babies you're having, there's pretty much no doubt these days with ultrasounds. However, since this little lady was in her teens we will cut her a little slack.....she's probably not interacted with hormonal pregnant women much; and, she I'm sure now recognizes the look, "you're lucky I don't know you and we're in public 'cause you almost just got punched due to progesterone controling my life right now." Like I said, Publix chickadee got cut a little slack, but adults have had the audacity to say such things, and in case anyone was wondering, it's inappropriate at best and never funny.

Names......as if our swelling breasts and uterus' were not the topic of every friend/family/random grocery persons conversations, names run a tight little race with them.And, in my opinion saying the wrong thing about a parents chosen name can cause years of grudge holding. Names are important, they're huge, and everyone wants to know what you're going to name your child. However, there's plenty of time to consider it, and parents are generally very very careful in these considerations. A lot of women tend to start planning their children's names while planning their weddings at age 5. Now, that's not true for every woman, and husbands play a big role in naming children as well. I know it's exciting and you want to know, but if you've already asked once or twice about what a couple will be naming their child and they don't disclose, stop asking. They may really not know, or they may really not want your opinion, or they may want to keep something a surprise. Also, if someone tells you the name they are so excited about, they've been loving for years, that may have a huge meaning to them, you never EVER say you do not like the name, or suggest others.

One would think that everything I've proposed here is common knowledge, yet by the way people talk to pregnant women and expecting parents it's dawned on me that maybe it's not common knowledge. Maybe it's just courtesy, and that I've learned people are lacking. For those of you who are lacking, or didn't realize that some times your beliefs are not the same as others, here are a few phrases that won't hurt a persons feelings, or make an emotional pregnant woman angry.

"Bless your heart." This can be used in so many situations. "Bless your little heart, your first baby, how fun." Instead of, "you look huge, your baby is going to be a giant, are you eating for two or three..." This phrase is great for not giving your real opinion.Even, "bless your heart, you'll need maternity clothes soon," is preferred in my opinion. Granted, most Southern people realize exactly what you're doing with that phrase, they won't want to deck you nearly as hard since you showed a little restraint.

"How sweet or How unique/special." This works great for anything you don't like....especially names!
Example:
"Naomi what are you thinking for girls names?"
"Well, we really really like Diamond Stardust."
Reply, "How sweet/special/unique."
See, no one would like the name Diamond Stardust unless they want their child in the adult film industry but, it's not your name to give or criticise, so suck it up. People will generally know you aren't exaclty a fan, but at least you've saved your dignity and the parents (a little.)

You can always switch directions too with, "Is that a family name?" "How big are they babies in your family?" This way if you're really bent on being nosey you can make your statements in a more appropriate manor.

Since there seems to be another baby boom this year and most of us are finding ourselves inundated with prego friends and family let's remember: every woman is different, every pregnancy is different, genetics plays a huge role, and every infant grows differently. So, unless you're a professional OB/GYN or unless you know without a shadow of a doubt you can say whatever you want and not have a woman hold it against you for years, make sure you're being supportive and kind. Women are sensitive about their bodies naturally (unless you're a blessed freak of nature like Heidi Klum and are always perfect and know it) so remember that when you are throwing down sentiments and if they aren't nice or you are not sure if it could be taken that way, interject something that is nice, whether you mean it or not!